i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
