dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
