i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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