He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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