I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm really busy with my period
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