you guys were way drunker than both of me
there's paper in my vomit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
