We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
