he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
