Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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