no, he came in my armpit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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