she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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