I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize