there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
