i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
