I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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