god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
