I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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