I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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