he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
