at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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