I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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