Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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