I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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