i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
