I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
