You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
