Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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