I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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