I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
