i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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