How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think your dad took our porno
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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