Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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