I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
