not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
