We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
