Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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