I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
