I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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