I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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