Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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