My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
