OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
