I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
