you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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