Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
