All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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