I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
