I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drake has all the answers
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