Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
