4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hell yes lets make some ravioli
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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