saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
