I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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