well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
