Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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