The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
