It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
