the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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