I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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