Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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