All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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