I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
