GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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