I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
