Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
