Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
