The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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