She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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