so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
