Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
