The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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