Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
